Sometimes I just get so sick and tired of things that happen to me: getting cut off in traffic, spilling my coffee all over my clothes, forgetting a task on my to-do list, getting cancer, living during a pandemic. Complaining has gotten me everywhere; everywhere except where I want to be. 

A few years ago, I complained just about everything. I disliked teaching because I felt I was ineffective. I was bored with my routine. I complained about my life at home: our dogs, our foster child, our own children. I was pretty miserable to be around. Interestingly enough, my mantra used to be, “Make solutions, not excuses.” Now, I looked around and had the biggest pity party. I even saw my children (5 and 3 at the time) beginning to complain about all sorts of things. “Attitude reflects leadership.”

Then in February of 2019, I walked into an Urgent Care with what I thought were cold/flu like symptoms. An X-ray later and I walked out with a tumor the size of a softball in my chest. Further scans at the hospital revealed I had tumors on my pancreas, kidneys, and liver. 

I looked up from my hospital bed and counted myself out. This was it. This is where complaining got me. Now, I am not saying the sole act of complaining was the cause of my cancer, but I do believe it was a contributor. I also believe cancer comes in many forms. It isn’t just in debilitating tumors and masses. It takes shape in “I can’t do this”, “I am not smart enough”, “I will never be able to”, “If only I had what he had.” 

As I lay there, there were a few dark moments where I gave up, but as I turned to my faith, I was also reminded of what I believed: Make solutions, not excuses. I asked myself, “What if I start looking at things that happen to me as opportunities rather than misfortune?” Charles Swindoll believes that “life is 10 percent of what happens to you and 90 percent of how you react to it.” 

Over the course of the next year, I underwent five rounds of chemotherapy, five blood transfusions, six lumbar punctures, four bone marrow biopsies, a bone marrow transplant, had pneumonia three times, received 15 localized radiation treatments and underwent double hernia surgery. I watched my wife take on the sole responsibility of parenting and working to maintain our financial stability. She never complained about it. 

I didn’t ask for this to happen to me. My wife didn’t ask for this to happen to her. COVID-19 impacted the health, career, education and the way of life for everyone. I think it is safe to say that no one asks for bad things to happen to them. However, it is inevitable. But, what if we found ways to manifest positivity? Look at what we can do differently? Focus on an internal locus of control rather than external?

At first, my predicament took me away from work and my family and all that I loved. But soon I found myself able to focus on my family, my relationships with others, and find new ways of contributing to helping others. 

If you have a job and can’t get to work, what would you do? You may not get the job for which you interviewed, but was there something you could have done differently? You may not have internet access, but are there resources out there, albeit somewhat of an inconvenience, to help you keep up with your school work? If you don’t make the team this year, where can you focus your efforts instead? What other talent can you cultivate? If your home life isn’t what you want it to be, start making a list of how you’ll do things different when you’re in charge of your own home. Start practicing those values now. If you’re struggling with all the changes with school, reach out to someone else who may also be struggling and see if you can work together.

I can choose to be a victim or seek out ways to propel. I can complain and it will get me everywhere; everywhere except where I want to be.